On Friday 25th November, the Association hosted a debate on whether the Tory brand has become toxic. Featuring a guest speech for the motion by José Calderon, your unhappy scribe should not have been left to write this as he was regrettably unable to attend this debate; whilst the Secretary-depute disappeared part-way through; and Cllr Rowell has not provided an appropriate write-up. Therefore, the following is a reconstruction in the poetic classical historical tradition.
The debate began with a thundering denunciation of the York Tories and the party they represent from Mr Calderon. Waving a genuine Puerto Rican staff of power dramatically, he warned that unless we repented and reformed ourselves, the furies would melt Winston Plumworthy, break the York Tories’ banner asunder, and drag Boris Johnson into a deep pit filled with microscopic spiders. “Delendum Yorktorium est!”, he declaimed, repeatedly, twirling his beard.
Then a vision appeared – Honourary Vice-President Christopher Etheridge seemed to stand before the Association, and members could scarcely speak, though his feet were not pierced by any reins and his hair was not matted with blood, and no-one consequently cried, “Oh, why do I see these wounds?” But, groaning deeply from the depths of his heart, he pointed out that there were no really practical solutions to the problems raised, and that we shouldn’t throw babies out with bathwater, because that was unconstitutional.
At this point, the D/104 ceiling collapsed, again, and the meeting was briefly adjourned while the asbestos formed itself into a series of golem-like creatures, and thundered out of the room. The debate then resumed, arguments swung to and fro, and the Secretary-depute finally stopped writing notes and left for a University Challenge audition.
To cut a long – and worthy – story short, the final result was a 10-3 defeat for the motion, with 3 abstentions.